For When I am Weak

Written on Thursday, 18th December, 2014

So many things are unclear.
Feeling unsettled.
So many emotions.

Fear. Sadness.
Trepidation.
Worry. Anxiety.
So many things to do. To think. To write. To say.
So many other things not to do. Like cry. Complain. Regret.
And yet, so many reasons to do exactly those that you should not do.
A million incentives to not be doing what you should be doing.
All motives and reasons somewhat valid. Somewhat.
Valid because you are human and you are weak.
What does it mean to be strong anyway?
Many issues to deal with.
Other people’s issues, that is.
And you don’t want to make it look like yours are bigger. Issues, that is.
Yet, well, they sort of are, you know? At least to you.

But look, how in all this, there are so many things to uplift you.
A hug. A tight embrace. A message. A phone call to say Look I’m here for you please come in for a hug.
A kind look. A Bible verse. A story with a lesson.
Listen, it will never all balance out. It’s not meant to.
It can’t be like here’s ten good things and here’s ten bad things.
No, that balance machine broke a long time ago.

But look how you survive.
Look how you are still here standing.
Or kneeling, as it were.
Breathing. Struggling, but breathing, and alive.
Look how down you felt yesterday.
Look how you were able to make it through today.
Look how tomorrow may be even better yet.
Look how in your weakness you still have strength- to know that you are weak. Look how a candle flickers, almost going off in the wind, then revives itself and lights up even brighter, steadier.

Look, look how some people still love you, believe in you, care for you.
Look how the birds fly. How they sing.
How the cows stroll about eating grass.
Just, eating grass.
And they produce milk.
Milk that is clean and tasty and healthy.
So don’t worry about eating grass.
Don’t worry about being rained on. Don’t worry about huge stumbling blocks. Don’t worry about the heaviness in your heart.
Don’t worry because if you were meant to produce milk- you will.
When your time comes.

And when it comes, you shall see that you were weak, but you were also strong.
And listen, it won’t be the last time. No, it won’t.
Trials will come again and again.
But you will be okay.
It is not smooth, it is not meant to be.
But look, always look, at how far you have come.
How far yet you still have to go.

It shall be well.
Say it.
Believe it.
Mean it.
Own it.
It shall be well.
And if it won’t be well, then it won’t be the end.
Oh wait, maybe it will be the end.
And the good news is that the end is just that- the end.
And with the end comes rest.

So look again how strong you are.
How good you are. How in your weakness you still are able.
To rise, to walk again. To run.
To run very far. To run fast and steadily.
You are not weak. You are strong.
You will stand. You will walk again. You will.

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